A confession, a scolding, a rerouting

Several years ago I attended an intensive for people interested in working to identify problems and come up with positive solutions. The first day we were told the program was designed to change our brains, and success could not be guaranteed unless we followed a list of rules, including remaining completely sober, while we were there.

On day two, one of the participants, consumed by guilt, raised her hand, apologized profusely, and confessed to having wine with dinner the night before. Giggling ensued, but quickly stopped, as we became aware of the look on the leader’s face. As the confessor was sternly berated, the room became eerily quiet. Then, another participant admitted to having a drink as well (partly to rescue the first, I think), and the leader became furious, demanding to know who else had broken the rules. Faces reddened, hands went up, and we spent an hour being scolded. Several people cried. I kept waiting for someone to pop out and tell me I was on Candid Camera.

The days went on, similar incidents took place, and people were bending over backwards to please the leader. Some even agreed when being told things about themselves they knew weren’t true. It’s fascinating what we might be willing to do to stay in favor. We all wanted to feel loved by this person with great credentials.

Prior to attending, I had read, and greatly appreciated, the leader’s writing and ideas. But as each day passed, I myself became angrier. A bait and switch seemed to have occurred. This was no longer about learning to see things differently. This was about complying, and exclusion…“my way or the highway” thinking.

As is probably obvious, I no longer consider the person who led the intensive to be an example of creating positive change, or follow their teachings. I do, however, keep tabs on the two lovely ladies I shared a glass of wine with while there, who are still doing the work to improve themselves, and helping others as a result. I like that they think for themselves, despite it making them vulnerable, and that it allows others to do the same. 

Changemakers take the highway.