Do you know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get after helping someone out, or doing a good deed? Have you ever had situations when that doesn’t happen? 

What if you don’t feel great afterwards, or even good? What if you do someone a favor, or agree to something that makes their lives easier, but when all is said and done you feel more angry or resentful, instead of warm and fuzzy? Does that mean you are a bad person? A phony?

I don’t think so. I think it means you have been given some important clues about your values.

I have had several moments that have made me want to scream recently, but am feeling more at ease now, after realizing the source of my angst. Someone had been slowly pushing up against my boundaries, little by little, until they were well past what I feel is acceptable behavior. I was mad at them for doing it. Then I was mad at myself for letting it happen. Then I was even madder for allowing myself to get so mad! LOL! 

This week has been a good reminder to pay attention when something doesn’t sit right with me and that when I get really upset, there is usually something more to it than just the situation at hand. For me, having a truthful, and possibly uncomfortable, conversation about my feelings early on, rather than allowing anger to slowly build to the point when having a really, really uncomfortable conversation is necessary, is almost always the right move. At least in situations, or relationships, that really matter.

Maybe staying true to our values can actually be kinder and more helpful to others in the long run? It is, without a doubt, kinder to ourselves. 

The next time you feel like beating yourself up, try a little detective work instead. It may make you feel better. I hope it does.